Category: diary
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Asking is hard.
Frustrations frustrate, they baffle. I have my cranky on. Nothing satisfies. Nothing is without some amount of undesired frustrations. Want to be touched like this, don’t want to be touched like that. Need this, don’t want that. One thing after another. Impossible to please. Impossible for me to please myself. Frustration. Asking for what I…
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Trust. Intimacy.
Trust. Intimacy. Safe puts me on edge. Safe pushes me towards panic. Safe, caring, loving intimacy makes me feel like running. That’s fucked. Having issues with this shit. That when I do meet someone that is safe, and I don’t mean safe as in vanilla, or the stereotyped norm. I mean safe as in someone…
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Repetition. I know you I do.
A continuation of things that are and things that were. I have strange emotional repulsions, going on, physical sensations, mental sensations. How to explain? I feel sick in my stomach, sick with myself. My head feels as if it’s been stuffed full of feathers. I am picky. I am impossible to please right now. I…
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Things that are, things that were
Things that are, things that were. I have been going through a myriad of up sand downs, and quick frustrations, unnecessary frustrations at that. Pasts come back to haunt me when entering new relationships. And that they are with full force. Msn from the X, asking me to come and visit. After seeing my msn…
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Don’t think.
Flashes of power, flashes of panic. I have been thinking about early experiences, that is, before I really knew what it meant or was. Before I started to fuck others and before I started to fuck myself. As a young girl I had boys my age and older making advances, trying to work out their…
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25 Things
1. I remember having intensely sexual dreams at a very young age, maybe at 4-5 yrs old, dreams where people would be having sex in dark houses, I could never see what the people looked like, but they would be always perhaps young adults and I would always feel tingles, sometimes I would rub myself…
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Pss-pss-psycho
Well last week was freak out week. And I do mean I went slightly psycho. Yes I was premenstrual but I’m not usually such a mess. Hormones. Mine have been clearly trying to work themselves out, I am back on the pill, 1st month back on. But anyway. Psycho-ness, yes I had it, it is…
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Brain Weirdness
I have brain weirdness and it’s interfering with my boy time. And my me time. Recurring flashes of abuse. Recurring withdrawal. Recurring is just the word for it. It’s put me on edge, made me recoil and made me reactionary. I’m really struggling to shake it this week. I have a million questions running over…
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Sexdates
Sexdates. Or just updates. No, no, sexdates. Firstly, birthday present from boy, a baby whale, the Aussie equivalent of the Hitachi. It’s one hell of a contraption. Intense and not to be used too much. I might lose all sensitivity. Sex, there has been a lot. And I mean LOTS. The past couple of days…
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The List
I am slowly building a little list of wanted items. – Lelo – Lily – JimmyJane, I’m torn between the Form2 and the Form3 – Njoy Wands are so very very pretty. – lucreziadesade.com.au has so much awesomeness! SO MUCH! – Hitachi Magic Wand, the mother of all vibrators, with detachable interchangeable heads. OMFG YES!