Sexdates

Sexdates. Or just updates. No, no, sexdates.

Firstly, birthday present from boy, a baby whale, the Aussie equivalent of the Hitachi. It’s one hell of a contraption. Intense and not to be used too much. I might lose all sensitivity.

Sex, there has been a lot. And I mean LOTS.

The past couple of days have been spent in a weird head space though, there has been sex, but I haven’t felt all that present with it. Come down has left me feeling emotionally numb and very exhausted. It has left me questioning, and made me feel like I need to step away for a few days, reclaim my brain and maybe I’ll be ok.

Sex. Well sex has been pretty good. I’m frustrated by not being able to get off without my vibrator. What was it I said a while back, I can get myself off just fine but it’s intimacy that I crave. And I do. I like slow sex. Not always, but sometimes I really need it, I need to feel safe and I want to feel like it’s ok. I like slow grinding, changes of pace. Softness sometimes, without pressure of an ending.

I find penetrative sex tiresome. It feels good, but not ever great. I want and need a lot more than just penis in vagina. I want hands. I want variation.

I also don’t want to get into the habit of relying on my vibrator to bring me to climax. I want sex to be separated from solo sex.

Oh am I sounding narky? I’m not. It used to be so easy to get off and then emotional barriers went up, I had selfish lovers which left me feeling that I was unimportant.

Sex without toys. Want. Orgasm without toys. Want.

Slow buildup, close grinding and strong penetration.

I’m pulsing.

Weekend. Well, I got horny as hell, boy couldn’t. That was interesting turning of tables. He loves pill sex, and I hate it. Go figure. Seriously not in sync. So I took a mystery tablet which turned out to be some sort of sleeping pill. Thankfully I slept it off.

How do you say what you want? Is it some sort of bargaining that has to happen yeah?

There has been awesome conversation surrounding what we might like to try, and very clear, we’re both up for anything, just ask. Awesome. I enjoy playing with him, I feel safe.

But I am also left wanting more and not sure how to ask for what I want.

Anyway all of that weird comedown head space stuff aside.

I did, yesterday afternoon, take time for myself to play with only me.

Anal. Big blue. No vibration.

And clit stimulation with the baby whale.

I came, and it was fantastic. A little messy 😉