Repetition. I know you I do.

A continuation of things that are and things that were.

I have strange emotional repulsions, going on, physical sensations, mental sensations. How to explain? I feel sick in my stomach, sick with myself. My head feels as if it’s been stuffed full of feathers. I am picky. I am impossible to please right now. I do bite at anything and everything. Impossible. Not your fault. Not my fault. Blaming myself only makes it harder. No blame. It just is.

I’m tired of this. This is repetitive, I’ve been here before and I don’t particularly want to be here again.

Yes I know you. Really I do. But I don’t know how to turn you around on yourself. How do I trick myself out of this. How can my unconscious self put a halt to the way in which it compares it’s pasts to it’s presents? Different times, different situations, similar but very very different intentions, physical responses at the core the self wants to pair together. Foundation blocks that are unsteady, fast crumbling beneath me.

Of all places to put you, I put you here. Because this is the place where things relate to one another. Sex. Emotion. Relationship.

I know you and often wish that I didn’t.