There was a boy, briefly. It was nice. I’ve confused myself over it though. I feel a little on the alone side, alone being lonely, which I didn’t feel at all, at first. Now I’m trying to sort my brain parts. Was I using? Was I actually interested? See, I thought I was OK, which made me think I wasn’t so attached. But then I didn’t feel so OK, and, well, I tricked myself.
In short, it’s not a healthy situation for me to put myself into. He is emotionally unwell, not something I can fix or want to fix, and not something that will just get better. It doesn’t make me feel any better though. I still feel rejected. I still miss intimacy (whatever that means). I miss touching and being touched. And right now I question whether that was ever anything, for either of us or if both of us were just filling a space cause we both feel alone.
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